Archive for June, 2007

espn vomits out new show…calls it “who’s now”

June 30, 2007 at 5:19 pm · Filed under news, sports, tv

stuart_scott_t.gif must…resist…coolness

have you seen espn’s new excuse for a television show? “who’s now” is the network’s latest attempt at… who the hell knows? the skinny on the show is that a giant bracket is set up, not with teams as one would think, but with athletes from separate realms and corners of the sports world. soccer players, ufc fighters, surfers, a-rod, kobe, etc. etc. athletes then “face off” against each other and apparently, it is the job of a select few espn “experts” aka talking heads, to debate and discuss why said athlete should move on in the bracket. i guess the winner of the whole “tournament” is who espn determines is “now” (lebron james, you are who’s now!) i can just hear stu scott saying this and then maybe “booya!” or “lebron, you certainly are, cooler than the other side of the pillow.” does he ever say anything relevant? i’ll answer that. no.

is this not one of the single dumbest concepts for a sports show ever? yes, let’s watch some espn talking heads debate it out on who the most popular or “of the moment” athlete is. no highlights, no real parameters on the selection process, just opinion, i guess. what a novel idea! let’s watch some people talk about athletes and put them in some sort of paradoxical competition against each other, where there is no real competition. then the winner is crowned as…what? oh, the winner is espn’s definition of who is now. gotcha. why does anyone care? who gets any of the latest sports news from espn anymore? why do i keep asking questions? i can answer that question: i don’t know. and i thought “stump the schwab” was a stupid show. can i get a hug and a hand pound at least?

dear espn,

stop giving me more reasons to dislike you. good day.

mc

Go to blogofhilarity for more.

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who said video games weren’t addicting?

June 27, 2007 at 2:56 pm · Filed under sports, video games

 re43.jpg

“leon shows these zombies why he rolls with pacman”

i purchased two nintendo wii games this past weekend.

  1. resident evil 4:  lots of fun, huge levels, first-person shooter, shotguns, sniper rifles and other weapons which are aimed by pointing the wiimote at the tv screen (excellent), and best of all…$30!
  2. godfather blackhand edition: have not played yet, wishing i would have saved receipt so i could return it, role-playing games are not my cup of tea
  • i plan on buying the game “the bigs” today, or in the next couple days.  “the bigs” is an arcade style baseball game.  i’m guessing it’s a spawn of the nhl hitz, nfl blitz variety of games, only toned-down and milder.  either way, i love the idea of creating a season with the mariners where richie sexson hits over .250.  and normal baseball games appear to be kind of boring.

i also found this associated press article today on how nintendo opened up it’s wii shop channel for…

“Independent developers armed with small budgets and big ideas will be able to get their original games into the marketplace to see if we can find the next smash hit,” said Reggie Fils-Aime, president of Nintendo of America, in a statement.

this is an incredible idea.  i am continually impressed by nintendo and their neverending fountain of creativity.  i was literally minutes away from starting to bid on xbox 360s on ebay when my friend told me about resident evil 4.  i was starting to doubt nintendo and whether or not they were going to start putting out games for people over the age of 6 to enjoy, but low and behold, i’ll probably end up buying three games this week.  damn you wii.

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bonds and giambi…finkel and einhorn, einhorn and finkel

June 22, 2007 at 11:25 am · Filed under life, news, sports

ace-ventura04.jpg

“belly option on two, on two”

what are you gonna do?  that’s what i’d like to know.  whether or not any of these “suspected” juicers have actually ever cheated is really kind of irrelevant at this point.  their images will never be the same either way.  and maybe five years from now, once all this confusing legal mumbo-jumbo is out of the way, what do we have to rely on?  a player’s confession basically.  everyone is forever going to be entitled to their own opinion on this topic and that’s what it ultimately boils down to.  if we ever find out anything substantial about certain players using steroids i will shit a brick.  all these closed-door meetings and whatever the hell is actually going on, i haven’t the slightest, but truthfully it really doesn’t matter to me.  why?  because i love the sport of baseball, and who is on top of an all-time record list really doesn’t matter to me.  asterisk or not, it’s really up to us as baseball followers to keep an asterisk in the back of our heads attached to certain players names.  because besides that, it’s pretty much completely out of our control.  i’m not looking forward to bonds breaking the home run record, as i’m sure millions of other people can say the same, but not for the reason one might think.  i’d just rather the whole situation wilt away slowly than constantly have to see more headlines about bonds and giambi and sosa and mcgwire and the rest of that crew.  i guess i’m just pretty passive on this subject, but what more can you do than bitch and moan and wait, and then wait some more, and then bitch a little bit again.  maybe it’s the whole legacy thing.  years from now, when youngsters grow up and say, “wow, that barry bonds, he must’ve been something,” instead of using willie mays or hank aaron or whomever.  that is a true shame.  i’m too young to have been around to enjoy those classic ballplayers, but not too ignorant to know the difference between the two generations.  until the “powers that be” in the baseball world stumble across some sort of conclusion, i suppose we baseball loyalists will continue to use the subconscious asterisk.  i’ll live.

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pacman jones and elijah dukes are my role models

June 20, 2007 at 4:04 pm · Filed under news, sports

dukes.jpg  “hi, i’m elijah dukes, and my mom never smoked crack, ya got some?”

the tennessee titan’s felonious former defensive back, adam ‘pacman’ jones will face two felony charges from a shootout in las vegas.  2 counts of felony coercion for threatening to kill club employees and, get this, biting a bar bouncer in the ankle!  yea, you read that right.  good work pac.  now, somehow, someway, you’ve managed to make yourself look like an even bigger jackass and degenerate than before.  what was pacman doing exactly?  i get this picture of him on the ground,  barking up the leg of some mammoth sized vegas bouncer like a pomeranian.  then sinking his chompers into said bouncer’s ankle, and bouncer kicking his leg, sending wee-little pacman spinning across the floor.  seriously, you bit the guy’s ankle? that’s flat out embarrassing.  it’s no surprise though, i guess.  as a defensive back, pacman sucks.  he’s undersized, even at corner, he gets burnt a lot (on and off the field apparently) and he’s probably dumber than a box of rocks too.
i seriously think pacman jones and elijah dukes should start hanging out.  they both seem to be the biggest pieces of shit in their own respective sports, meanwhile tarnishing the images of the sports they play in, as well as their own image, or lack there of.  i don’t really have the time or the motivation to go into recent news on elijah dukes, go check out deadspin or thebiglead.  i just wanted to pose this question.  remember when professional athletes were just that, professional?  truly, i don’t.  i just find it appalling that certain professional athletes such as pacman jones and elijah dukes would be serving sentences right now, if they weren’t professional athletes.  i find it hard to believe that athletes like these, could hold a steady job in society, if they couldn’t play a sport professionally.  in my opinion, dukes and jones are criminals/thugs wrapped up in more expensive uniforms (i was going to say flashier, but you don’t get much flashier than prison issue orange).  i just think it’s kind of disgusting that we have to constantly hear about “professional” athletes like jones and dukes, spouting off at the mouth, calling a radio station and making an embarrassment of yourself, being involved in 37 shootouts across the united states, biting ankles, throwing gatorade bottles at people, impregnating 17 year old girls, making it rain, and etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  enough, if you want to live the life of crime and be a gangster, go get shot already, cause i’m tired of reading your news, more importantly, i’m tired of you taking a dump on the sport you play.

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shall i continue to watch “sopranos” on a&e?

June 13, 2007 at 4:24 pm · Filed under life, news, tv

p_james.jpg “my feelings exactly”

yea, i will. that was easy. talk to you later.

ok, so here’s my beef. this past sunday, before the ”major disappointment” that was the sopranos finale, i was pretty excited to watch the final episode, even though i’ve only seen up to season 4. i borrowed the season 5 dvds and the first part of season 6 because i figured that the finale was going to be so intense that i’d ultimately need access to other episodes so i could bang them out, watching 3 or 4 a night until i’ve seen every episode. i know, you would think i’d be pretty lost by watching the series finale without ever seeing an episode in the previous 3 seasons. in some respects, i was, but i knew a good portion of the recent backstory with the shootout in the second to last episode, phil leotardo’s beef, and christopher and tony’s car crash.
as was the rest of america, i was pretty friggin’ excited nonetheless. i was ready for 9 p.m. to roll around the entire day. i can imagine the boners that longtime sopranos loyalists were sporting that day. what followed was, in my eyes, a major, major disappointment and creative fart. see me through here. after 8 years of being touted as “the best tv show” and “david chase is a friggin’ genius!” and all the hoopla and talk surrounding this show, it had to end like that? i’m not taking a crap on david chase, i just think it’s a shitty way to end as well as a completely thoughtless, ‘cop-out’ type of ending. and go ahead and say, “no, no, no, can’t you see how creative this was? it’s open ended, it makes you think, interpret it as you will.”
bullshit. utter bullshit. if i wanted that kind of entertainment, i’d go read a “choose your own adventure” book. i actually feel bad for loyal sopranos watchers here, if i loved that show and watched and waited for new seasons for so long, i’d be a hell of a lot more pissed off than i am right now just thinking about it. as innovative and masterful as the first 85 episodes were throughout 8 (?) years of writing and planning, david chase just took a shit on all of that in 5 seconds of black screen. i didn’t think anything could get worse or even close to the final episode of seinfeld, but at least seinfeld gave you something. after all, the sopranos was about something not nothing. kill tony, kill meadow when she walks in the door, let them all live, arrest tony, have zombie phil leotardo magically walk in and kill tony and his family, i don’t give a shit what it is, but give me something damnit! i could seriously go on for pages on this topic and why i think it’s wrong but, i won’t. stories have endings, conclusions, climaxes, whatever you want to call them. the sopranos had rising action and that’s it. if i’m david chase and i choose to end my illustrious, critically acclaimed show like that, wouldn’t i know that in essence, i’m pissing off about 98% of sopranos fans?

so finally i get to the point of my post. an hour or so after the final episode, it occurred to me that now i have all these sopranos dvds sitting in my room waiting for me to watch and i really don’t see the point in watching them, since i so vehemently disliked the finale. but alas, tonight is wednesday, the sopranos are on a&e! will i watch? you’re damn right i will, after all, i still watch reruns of seinfeld.

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lackluster lebron

June 8, 2007 at 11:47 am · Filed under news, sports, tv

    “game…blouses“

so, where are all the “lebron is the next jordan” posts and news stories today?  last night’s performance left a little something to be desired for all you lebron slurpers out there am i right?  14 points, huh?  not very impressive.  somewhere michael jeffrey jordan is smiling, or laying down a bet, or grinding up on some chicks in a club.  i know it’s just the first game, and i’m pretty sure lebron will have his share of points (and dunks) once the series goes to cleveland, but i just like pissing people off and even moreso, going against the grain of everything.  i used to marvel at lebron like every other sports fan, but ever since the cavs snatched that series from the pistons, i’ve adopted a more skip bayless-like approach to lebron.  and furthermore, i agree with chauncey billup’s statement about a week ago, the pistons were the better team.  too bad they didn’t play like it, or more importantly, prove it.  i’m just generally disgusted by the fact that the cleveland cavaliers are in the nba finals.  i am by no means a san antonio spurs fan, but i hope they sweep the shit out of the cavs.  the spurs have way too much playoff experience for the cavs and i truly think that is mostly what this series will boil down to.  well, that and the fact that the spurs have about 10 times the talent of the cavs.  chalk this playoff season up to further experience for the cavaliers, they should be a force to reckon with next season.  after all, they do play in the eastern conference.

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this marks the end of the eagles/perry patterson era

June 7, 2007 at 9:42 am · Filed under news, sports, tv

“someone get koy’s holding gloves, i smell another comeback!”

thanks for showing up!  perry patterson was released by the eagles yesterday, ending his stint with the team after just one day.  that’s gotta be a real kick in the nuts.  what’s really funny is that just yesterday, one of the newspapers i work for ran a story about perry patterson.  that’s not the funny part.  the funny part was the headline.  his agent deemed him “the next slash,” as in kordell stewart.  i still haven’t stopped laughing.  that’s really not nice.  for the record, i have nothing against perry patterson, but his agent really could have tried to hype him a little less.  now the eagles need to sign another 4th string quarterback!  dig up your shoulder pads and helmet koy, you’re goin back to work!

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eagles: “mcnabb’s getting comfortable, let’s sign another qb”

June 5, 2007 at 3:33 pm · Filed under news, sports

perry.jpg “perry patterson in ‘action’”

a sports writer colleague informed me today that the eagles signed former mccaskey and syracuse quarterback, perry patterson, to a free agent contract. if you don’t believe me, look here, posted by yours truly. why they signed him? who knows? being a giants fan, they can sign him to play whatever position they’d like, because as far as i’m concerned, it goes in my book as wasted money by the eagles. how good was syracuse football during the perry patterson era? in 2004, they went 6-6. in 2005, they went 1-10 and in 2006 they went 4-8. so in total, patterson led syracuse to an 11-24 record. that’s the kind of talent we like to see going the eagles way! maybe they think donovan and perry can become new “best” friends since they both went to syracuse and maybe, just maybe, donovan won’t get offended by the eagles bringing in another quarterback, because he went to syracuse. but then again, baby donovan “can go play in one of the other 31 cities.” while the eagles now have 4 quarterbacks; mcnabb, feeley, holcombe, and now patterson, it makes you wonder who they’re planning on throwing the ball to? probably wouldn’t hurt to throw some money at an accomplished wide receiver. not that i’ve got anything against reggie brown, kevin curtis, hank baskett, and greg lewis but…for an offense that relies so heavily on the pass, they certainly do have some small and poopy receivers. my advice, bring back todd pinkston…better yet, freddy mitchell. they…were…good.

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lebron james, king nothing

June 1, 2007 at 4:09 pm · Filed under life, movies, news, sports, tv

joel1.jpg

“joel moore as j.p. in grandma’s boy…full size pic was a mammoth…the words in the pic say rule the world (with an x next to it) and get metal legs”

lebron james is king of the universe. haven’t you heard? james scored all 109 points for the cleveland cavaliers last night en route to a double overtime 109-107 victory over the detroit pistons last night. oh, wait…he scored 48 points. my mistake. he did score 29 of cleveland’s final 30 points in the game, which says a whole lot for cleveland as a team as well as cleveland’s chances of beating the spurs. surely, i’m not going to attempt to take anything away from lbj but i just love how everyone just slurps him now that he finally took control over the end of a game. instead of constantly dishing it off to someone who is guaranteed to clank some iron. i respect lebron james, i’d still take kobe over him 99 times out of 100. there’s just something about lebron that irks me. maybe it’s his dumbass, clown-faced smile. yea, that definitely has something to do with it. if you’ve ever seen the movie grandma’s boy (i love it), i always think of the extremely weird character named j.p. whenever i look at lebron’s face. he always uses a squeaky voice when he gets nervous, and in one response to the main character’s insult j.p. responds, “i hate your face!” you’ll have to watch it. here’s a clip. i don’t know if the part i’m talking about is on here, i don’t have that kind of freedom at work…just the freedom to blog. hopefully this clip stays up for more than an hour…

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annoying? can you use that in a sentence?

June 1, 2007 at 10:31 am · Filed under life, news, tv

6-1-06spell_story.jpg

i think that pretty much sums up the theme of this post.  who’s watching or caring about the spelling bee?  i’m not.  it’s not that i’m ragging on the idea of the spelling bee or anything, but can sports media outlets cover this a little less?  maybe i’m being a stickler here, but i couldn’t give a pile if samir patel got eliminated yesterday, i didn’t even want to know that samir patel was the odds-on favorite in the spelling bee, but yet, here we are.  coverage of a bunch of weird kids with even stranger tics spelling a bunch of words that most people have never heard of or will ever read, use, or think about in their lives.  let me ask this.  when did spelling become a sport, much less interesting?  i understand that people are interested because some of the kids are…eccentric?…yea i guess i’ll use eccentric here.  that’s a rosy-colored, half-insult.  damn, i must be in a sour mood today.

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